"theory of mind is to convergence as telepathy is to non-sequitur" by Leslie McIntosh
The pediatric neurologist’s snow-white coat
spawned a notepad to measure my pain.
My headaches anchored our appointment
but one of us was still sinking—I was
crying. His face distorted, misshapen.
When? How long? Where? My mind
struck into auras, I talked about what
it sounded like when my mother looked
at me, pointed to the head of my Ernie doll
and plucked a new pronoun to pin my life against it.
What do you do when the objective correlative fails
and you still have to keep sitting with someone?
Not everyone can tolerate at the speed of light
—me included. Not every quantum leap has room
for all your body parts. If you’re like most,
you‘ll drop a piece, here or there. The good news?
Life is better as a scavenger hunt anyway,
but failing that, musical chairs!
And if not that, maybe a drum&bass beat,
broken till it’s shameless. Its structure
is quicksand. The trick to not sinking—
don’t run, just stand there and shimmy in place.
Trust the ground to become ground again.
My fallen arches are proof—see how they still rise
against the explosions of the crashing rave.
Chasms in the readout topography made my EEGs
seem like polygraphs, those most gifted
grifters. If I die, can my body fit in there?
The doctor stopped for a moment, then
Is that where it hurts? Go on, son, tell me…
Leslie McIntosh (all pronouns respectfully used) is black, male presenting, male attracted, autistic, an older millennial, a poet, & a fictionist. Leslie has received support, in the form of residencies and fellowships, from Breadloaf, Callaloo, Millay Arts, The Watering Hole, Zoeglossia, and more. Leslie's work has appeared or is forthcoming in numerous publications, such as A Gathering Together, Beloit Poetry Journal, Foglifter, Fourteen Hills, Southern Humanities Review, Witness, and the anthology, In the Tempered Dark: Contemporary Poets Transcending Elegy (Black Lawrence Press, 2024). Leslie is a Chapbook Editor at Newfound and lives on the stolen land of the Munsee Lenape, currently known as Jersey City, NJ, USA.
